Friday, February 11, 2011

The Questions Get Harder.......

And the ass clowns are out in record numbers.
I've mentioned before that our office is in the dark ages and we don't have a computer. When someone brings a pet in, they give us their name, we look it up in our Rolodex file, which has their name, address and a file number. The file number contains the information we have on the pets that owner has brought in to be seen. Seems simple, doesn't it?
Some vet's offices keep files under the pets first name and the owner's last name. We don't for several reasons:
1. We'd have 5 times the files we have now.
2. Some pets are deceased, and the owner doesn't want the file named for a dead pet. Plus, pets are rehomed and their names can be changed.
3. Pets can't be financially responsible for themselves.
4. Pet's can't understand instructions we give for them. I can't call one on the phone and say "Hey, Barkley, got your blood work back and everything looks good. Keep taking your thyroid medicine and exercise. Send your human in when you need more refills. And if you try to bite me again, I'll put you on a strict diet, you little shitweasel."

So, it's less trouble to just put the file under the owner's name. The problem is, some owners can't remember what their name is. Or what name the file was put under when they first came in. This results in a search that may take longer than getting their pet seen and treated. You'd think since their own name is the first thing they learned how to say, spell and write, that they could do this. But it's harder than you think.

"Animal Hospital"
"Yes, I brought a dog in on Monday, first thing in the morning, and it had parvo, and I have some questions"
"Let me get your chart, what is your name?"
"Jane Doe" (looks through rolodex)
"I can't find a chart under that name, could it be under another name?"
"No, it's under MY NAME, JANE DOE. Don't you remember? I was there when you first opened on Monday."
My memory isn't the best, but I was the one who worked Monday morning. And I always remember Parvo cases. And who the first client in the door in the morning is.
"I can't seem to find your file, are you sure you have the right hospital?"
By this time, I go ask Boss Man. He remembers the client, and finds the file.
"Ma'am, do you know who Suzy Doe is?"
"Yes, that's me!"
I check the chart, and it's the late shift worker's handwriting. So not only did this ass clown not know her own name, she doesn't know morning from evening. I let Boss Man deal with her.

Like everything else in the vet world, we seem to get people like this in clusters, and usually when we're insanely busy. I had four or five of these in a few hours, including one kid who couldn't spell his mom's name.
I'm tempted to buy some name stickers, put their names on it, and stick in on their shirt like they did in kindergarten. How the hell these people can find their own way home is beyond me. They can't give me the right name, and the questions get harder.

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