Monday, April 18, 2011

Who's Your Daddy?

Today, I get a call from a woman who asks me to look up her file and check records. This is a pretty routine call. I check her file and we haven't seen any of her pets for a couple of years.  Then she proceeds to get really rude and nasty and informs me that her dog that we neutered 2 years ago just fathered puppies. According to her, he was kenneled with her intact female and she's in the process of giving birth. And we're responsible for the costs, plus the female is having birthing complications.
So I put her on hold and go get Boss Man. He says "tell her to kiss my ass." Which I would like to do, but we obviously have to tell her something. Like an arrogant zit on a special occasion, she's not going away any time soon. So I tell her to bring the male dog in for us to check him.
For the uninitiated, when we neuter a cat or dog we take the testes, which are the sperm machines. It's not like a man getting a vasectomy, there is no reversal, no "growing back." It is possible (but highly unlikely) for a neutered male to have live sperm right after neutering if there are some sperm in the gland after the testes are removed but 2 + years later? NOT. Also this woman also owns an intact male dog, but according to her, it would be "impossible" for that to happen, since her kennel can't be gotten into, the female is a small breed, and the intact male is over 100 lbs. I've got news for her.  A female in heat is the doggie version of a new phone number on a bathroom wall, and all the intact males within miles will travel to get some of that. I've seen breeding happen between the very large and very small, through fences, you name it, when nature calls they answer.
So she brings the male dog in, Boss Man motions her into an exam room and closes the door.  Someone else walks in and I'm busy with them but I can hear the snarky accusing tone she takes with Boss Man. I hear him give her a name and number and tell her "This is a specialist. Take him, the female and the puppies and get DNA testing. If that dog is the father, I'll pay all the bills myself." A few minutes later I hear whining and sobbing.
She leaves and Boss Man tells me that she's going through hard times and all of this is a ruse because she can't afford a possible C section for the female dog. He asked her why she just couldn't tell him the truth and ask for help, and he'd do what he could to work with her. So she brings back the female and puppies. Nothing happens after a couple of shots, so we ended up doing surgery. There were no more puppies.
Of course, she's hanging out in the office for all of this. I do my best to avoid her, since I despise liars. We have her hold the female as we are putting her under anesthesia, and she mentions she used to work in a vet's office. So she's the worst tech to ever disgrace a vet's office, AND she's an ignorant liar. The puppies are huge, there is no way the neutered male could be the father.
I wish Mercury would get out of retrograde or whatever phenomena is causing people to behave this way. My last nerve is gone.
The obvious moral to the story: if you don't want puppies, spay your females!

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