On Horses

I was recently asked if my blog was going to deal with the subject of horses. I love horses, and am a horse owner. My horses, with the exception of one have been the ones that other people throw away because they can't deal with their issues. They end up with me, and I put a great deal of time, energy and money into fixing them. They have a forever home as long as I can feed and take care of them. However, my heart is heavy right now for the following reasons:

I had to put the toughest rehab I've ever dealt with to sleep 3 years ago, when she was 24. Not a fun horse to ride, but I knew every muscle movement and every twitch of her ears. A few months later I was chosen by a gelding at an auction and he came home with me. My intention was to learn team penning and use him for trail rides and team penning.
My riding buddy, a cowboy, gentleman, and the greatest horseman I have ever had the experience of knowing, succumbed to cancer 2 years ago. He helped me get the gelding at auction (a huge source of pride for him) and he was going to be my team penning buddy. May he always ride good horses.
My riding instructor, who was helping me overcome some fears from a riding accident and give me back my love of riding, moved out of the area, and I haven't found someone else to work with. I've been doing things on my own for years, but I've always needed the motivation and feedback from someone else, pushing me to do things I'm capable of but my mind won't let me.
I had a lovely dressage schoolmaster. He was a lovely dressage horse although I'm not a lovely or talented dressage rider. I had to put him to sleep a few months ago. He foundered and his coffin bone rotated badly, to the point where euthanasia was the only humane choice. He was the ride of my life, and with him gone, my heart is not into riding right now.
The gelding who my friend helped me get still owns me. I discovered his training had so many holes the best choice was to restart him from the ground up. It's going well, but with losing my beloved schoolmaster, the desire to get on and ride him isn't there. I know it will come back, I just need to let my heart heal a bit.