"Yes, I have a dog with a broken tooth and I'd like to know the cost of getting it taken care of."
"It's $X for the exam, then the doctor will give you an estimate."
"Do you bill insurance?"
"We do, but the way pet insurance works is you pay the bill, the forms are submitted and the insurance company reimburses you." Which you'd know, asshat, if you have pet insurance.
"Isn't the first office visit free at your hospital?" (I know where this is going)
"No, it's $X."
"Well, it says on your website that it is."
"We don't have a website."
"Yes, it says right here." I have googled our hospital 6 ways from the middle, and you're full of shit.
"Can you give me the web address so I can check it out? If it says that I need to contact the webmaster of that site. We do accept vouchers from animal shelters for a free exam of animals adopted there, but we don't give free exams to everyone. We can't be responsible for what is published on another website."
"Well, I did a search on cheap vets and your name came up."
I need to get my job title changed from Office Manager to Orifice Manager, since I'm surrounded by assholes.