Diagnonsense

"Can you tell me what brand of vaccines you use?"

"[brand name]"

"Can I have the manufacturer's phone number?"

"Is there a problem?"

"My dog was vaccinated at another animal hospital six months ago and now he's sick. I'm sure it's from the vaccines, and I want them to pay for his treatment."
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 "I need medicine for my dog. Just give me the medicine and I'll treat him myself"

"Ma'am, we need to see the dog and diagnose it first before we can even recommend treatment"

"He's losing his hair and scratching. My neighbor looked at him and told me he has rice in his blood. I don't need a vet to tell me what I already know."

"Do you mean mange mites?"

"Yes, just give me the medicine."

"Ma'am, there is more than one type of mange, and there could be dozens of other reasons why your dog is losing his hair. The vet needs to see your dog, take a skin scraping and see if it is mange, and what kind it is. It may be something besides mange. What time would you like your appointment?"

"What time do you close?"

"[closing time]"

"I'll be there before then when I feel like bringing him in."
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"Sir, that will be $X for the office visit"

"You mean I have to pay for the visit? I already told you what was wrong with my dog when I got here!"
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I wish they all were like this guy:

"My dog has green goop in one eye. I looked it up on the internet and all I can figure is that he has a Green Goopy Eye, so I thought it best that the vet sees it before it gets worse."