Saturday, September 18, 2010

Saturday Shot Clinic FML

Our examining room table is actually an island cabinet with drawers on one side and a stainless steel table top. It's been there for over 30 years and while antiquated, it's functional. Boss Man wants the animals on that table top so he can examine them closely. If they're just in for vaccines, and they're large, he'll give shots while the dog is standing on the floor, or even in the car.
I'd pluck and sell what's left of Boss Man's hair for one of those pneumatic table gurneys. The ones that can be lowered to floor level to put the dog on, then raised to eye level for the exam. Boss man, in addition to all of his charms, is cheap. He doesn't just pinch pennies, he squeezes the boogers out of Lincoln's nose. So a back saving table won't happen as long as I work at that practice.
So in comes this lady with her long haired German Shepherd dog. This dog is massive at 115 pounds, with paws the size of a human hand. Well bred, well cared for, and a truly breathtaking animal to look at.
The dog is out.of.control.
Owner decides dog needs a heartworm test, so we have to put the damn dog on the table. Dog isn't having any of it. Owner grabs the front, I grab the back, and we lift. Dog starts to fight and kicks the exam table over. Drawers fall out and keep it from going totally on its side.
I'm stuck in the position of still holding the dog and holding the table so it doesn't fall on the dog or owner. Boss Man gets pissed.
We get the table upright, the dog on it and the blood drawn. I show my bruised and swollen hand to the owner. Most owners do apologize if their dog is a bit unruly, or snaps. What do I get? "Oh, yes, I have bruises all over me from him stepping on me all the time."  I would have happily kicked the shit out of her, but, given time, I think her darling dog will take care of that.
My hand is bruised and swollen and my back is killing me. The last thing I want to do is spend my day off in Urgent Care.

To add insult to injury, the dog let his anal glands go. We all know that shit stinks. Anal glands smell worse than shit. Like something dead and rotting. If you come in contact with it, the smell gets on your skin. And guess which end I was handling? FML

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